Antidote to a Crazy Miami Clubs Night: Cuban Sandwich

Didn’t know Anthony Bourdain, the host of No Reservations and Chef-at-Large of Brasserie Les Halles, knew this much about Miami clubs! Here’s his take on the Miami nightclub experience… and the perfect food to counter the after-effects:

“This week, Howie — who is perilously close to becoming Mr. Know-It-All — seems to have been caught transfixed in the headlights of an oncoming snack wagon, and for reasons known only to his phrenologist, decided that the beloved Miami classic, the Cuban sandwich, is not good enough. Worse, after much experience (he says) working in Miami nightclubs, he came to the shocking conclusion that what drunken hordes of clubgoers really want, immediately after spilling off the dance floor, is his creative riff on a classic. Crustier bread! “Better” raw ingredients! An “homage” sandwich, roughly manhandled onto a griddle between unevenly heated sheet pans. No, Howie. No.

What anybody who’s even been to a nightclub understands is that drunk people want hot, cheesy, greasy, and familiar food. They want it fast. And they don’t want to be challenged to think. They’re done thinking (at least until tomorrow, when they turn over in bed and see what they went home with). A cheap-ass deli ham, roast pork, cheese, and gherkin on the same bread everybody else uses — properly mashed down flat — and you would have had some happy customers. Post-nightclub customers are the dream of every late night diner and snack bar operator in that they are oblivious. Howie chose to rudely wake them up.

If this crowd was going to notice anything in the interlude between the ear shattering, molar-shaking thump of the dance floor and whatever ill-considered coupling or porcelain bowl worshiping lay in their near future, it’s that there was something… wrong… and… different… about this thing they were being told was a Cuban sandwich.”

As a Miami resident I gotta say Cuban sandwiches are great! My suggestion is to hit up classic cuban restuarants in the Calle Ocho area (SW 8th St from 10th-30th Ave). Ayesteran is a personal favorite (love their pollo milanesa - lightly breaded chicken with cheese and tomato sauce - amazing) along with Versailles (which is a classic place - you gotta go). Also, if you go to Ayesteran, if you sit on the counter, you can actually see them make your sandwich, which definitely adds something to the experience. Hey, if you’re hitting the Miami clubs, definitely hit up the Cuban food spots afterward!

There’s one catch though - if you’re going to get REAL Cuban food, it’s going to be VERY hard unless you know Spanish. Miami is a melting pot of cultures… with the Latin culture being very prevalent. Isn’t it frustrating to want to order something or ask a question and you have no clue how to say it? With so many diverse clients in business, you really can’t afford to not learn Spanish. I found a great resource at Learning Spanish Like Crazy that’s very unique. The reason I say that is that all their speakers are college-educated natives of Latin America. Learning Spanish from a native is really the best way to learn because you get to learn the true nuances of the language right from the beginning. Hey, maybe after you’ve been Learning Spanish Like Crazy you can order me a Pollo a la Milanesa - which is my personal favorite for the post Miami clubs night.